Dearest Matilda Mae,
I can hardly believe its been a year. A whole year. It does not make sense, there is no reason that you left.
A year ago I begged that it was a mistake, that someone else had written the words your devoted Mummy tweeted. I prayed it was a lie, although it would have been a horrible unforgivable lie I so wanted it to be a lie. I needed and wanted for it to be a mistake so badly.
How could a happy, smiley, healthy girl be gone forever?? As a Mum myself I grieved with your family. That might sound odd as I never met you Tilda, but I knew who you were, I had seen your smiley photos and knew about your Mummy’s blog.
You were like a girl at playgroup, the online equivalent of a neighbours child if you like. You didn’t know me, but I’d have recognised you Matilda Mae. You know, like a familiar face whose name you didn’t know.
I am writing to you dear Matilda Mae from the steps of a church. Its cold and deserted, but it is calm and peaceful. I hope you feel peaceful in heaven little Angel? I reckon if fate is anything to go by you’ll be with my Nan – she is lovely too, and gives a mean hug.
I often think of you. I hope you know the mark you left on this world? The legacy your family and friends have made.
All the stars are out again dear Tilda, to show our respect to you, but also to try to help your beautiful family at this time.
Everyone knows you now Matilda Mae, and the charity work done in your memory has, I hope, saved little lives. I am terrified of heights, terrified. But when I jumped out of that plane for you, after the initial panic, I felt calm. I was questioning my belief of heaven, I was asking myself big questions, but I think you know that Dearest Tilda, as it felt like you were with us. I knew skydiving wouldn’t bring you home to mummy and Daddy and the twins, I knew I wasn’t possible, but I hoped for a sign, something significant I could give to Mummy on the ground. Maybe a falling white feather, to tell her I touched the clouds, that I saw her Angel. I didn’t, I couldn’t give Jennie anything. But I did feel watched, and looked after, and a strange peace… Then we went through a cloud, a cloud with a tiny circle shaped rainbow. Just like a bubble blown with too much bubble mixture looks, an almost glowing rainbow effect. The instructor told me it was our shadow, and at first I believed him – but now I think you were helping us Tilda. Were you with me in the clouds Angel?
Keep watching over your Mummy, Daddy, and those gorgeous twin siblings of yours. You are never forgotten. X
See more letters to Matilda Mae on Susanne’s blog.
Such a sad story! Poor girl
Lauranne recently wrote… My 100th Post.
Thank you for such a beautiful letter and thank you for remembering Matilda Mae x Thank you x
jennie recently wrote… Project 365: Week 4.
Thinking of you so much today. All 5 of you. X
Lovely post. Will find some quiet time to write mine later. So much love for Matilda Mae and family xxx
Claire recently wrote… Team Honk Relay – Climbing the Preseli Mountains, Pembrokeshire, Wales.
What a lovely letter Julie. Matilda Mae will never be forgotten x
Rachel recently wrote… Dear Matilda Mae.
A really beautiful letter Julie. I know how scared you were about jumping that day. That you conquered your fear and jumped shows just how much she has touched you. You’ll be hugging me as I head up to the plane looking terrified this year xx
BakedPotato Mummy recently wrote… A Tough Decision.
Still scared, but me being scared isn’t the same as daily heartbreak that the Edspire family feel daily, or that other SIDS families feel. We can do this, and I’ll hold your hand my dear, we will do it together. X
The things that you have done in Matilda’s name are amazing. You faced your fears and did it anyway. Its an honour to call you a friend
xxx
ghostwritermummy recently wrote… This little blog.
Thank you, I am glad I met you, and pleased to have such a wonderful lady as a friend. You rock!