Protected: Babies in heaven 22


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22 thoughts on “Protected: Babies in heaven

  • Menai

    It was truly my honour to have shared today with you. Thank you for being so brave and writing so powerfully. Wherever you are on this journey, today, tomorrow, it’s ok and I look forward to sharing more time with you xx
    Menai recently wrote… Firstday.My Profile

  • Claire

    Oh lovely *hugs* xxx

    I have been thinking of everyone at the ceremony today.

    Yesterday was my sisters birthday and death day so I was thinking of my mum too.

    What happened to you was terrible but I’m so glad that today you got to light a candle and cry tears for your lost babies (I’m crying tears for them too xxx)

    Lots and lots of love.

    Claire
    xxx

    • JulieRoo Post author

      You have to keep going though Lisa. After all that I wanted to be a mum so much. And when I gave birth the midwife *knew* i had had miscarriages. She said something I’ll never forget “first live born” to her colleagues. I cried. How could she know? But knowing she knew, it was a strange relief.

  • Liska @NewMumOnline

    I had absolutely no idea. I am sending you every ounce of love that is in my body right now. Nobody should have to endure that. Hugs my darling friend. Now that you have opened up, try to let the pain go (or lessen). I wish you healing and strength.
    Liska xx
    Liska @NewMumOnline recently wrote… Simple Pleasures.My Profile

  • Gemma

    Hi Julie
    It’s very brave of you to open up, my ex did the same to me but only once, as he was then able to use the promise of another to get me to jump through hoops. My family never knew and still don’t and the knock on effect of them ever finding out terrifies me. I came on my own yesterday as I felt it unfair for my husband to see me grieve for a baby that would have meant that we would never have met, another instance of me trying to deal with things on my own and not letting those around me help. I wish I had been able to stay around after the service to meet you and maybe let you know your not alone.

    • JulieRoo Post author

      Even once is too much though, so a massive hug right back at you. My partner is lovely, but like you I feel would be unfair to drag him along. He’s very sciencey and logical, and all the talk of stars and angels and love and heaven would be lost on him.
      He did what he always does – sends me a funny message to make me smile when he thinks I might be emotional. This time was a photo sms of a statue with a clever caption. He doesn’t do tears but well timed humour helped.

    • JulieRoo Post author

      I appreciate this comment, I know its a tough post to respond to. I hope if anyone reads this, that’s in a violent relationship runs away before anything like this happens. X

    • JulieRoo Post author

      I don’t admire me. I feel I should have protected these babies better, i know i should have. When I told my therapist this (obviously I told a short version here) he was stifling tears. He was upset how guilty I felt still, even though I was the victim not the attacker. I knew I needed to grieve, to talk, to write, just get it “out”. When a professional cries, you know its not good.

      • Gemma

        I know I still feel that guilt too I felt close to walking out of the service on sat at the beginning as I thought that everyone else there had lost their children through no fault of their own and I should have protected mine and that guilt was for them as well as my baby. I know that no matter what that guilt will never really leave me.
        I accepted my ex’s abuse as my father was abusive, which my mum accepted as she was abused as a child, so I am the one who has broken that chain and hopefully as my children will not see this as the norm they will not end up in abusive relationships themselves and as I am now married to a social worker I know that this is a very hard chain to break and most people don’t manage to do it. PLEASE feel proud of yourself for breaking free as that really is something to admire. You can’t change the past but you have changed the future xxx

  • BakedPotato Mummy

    Oh Julie! I just can’t imagine how horrible this must have been. Nobody deserves to be treated like that and to have suffered like that.
    I’m so glad you were able to come on Saturday. It was lovely to see you even though the occasion was an emotional one.
    You are very brave for going and for sharing your story xx
    BakedPotato Mummy recently wrote… Chocolate Covered Vanilla Shortbread.My Profile

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