Feelings


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Yesterday was fun! 8

After several months of silence and keeping a secret I broke it rather loudly. I put an announcement on the big screen of a televised and sold out rugby match. Yup, it’s true. I proposed back in early January, I had it booked just 2 days later. I’ve waited many years, I wasn’t going to waste time planning. Haha.


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Unexplainable guilty feeling 6

This weekend was BritMumsLive. I love BritMums so don’t worry, it’s not about the event. It’s about feelings. Deep feelings. At the close of BML they always have “blogger keynote speeches” – this is where bloggers read out a moving, brilliant or funny post themselves, in their own voice. Sadly this year’s speeches were mostly extremely moving. I could barely breathe through tears and snot – I cried so much my snot became like tears. During my blubbing others moved closer, especially Jane. I rested my snotty head on her shoulder as I sobbed. That’s what we do, we pull together even though we rarely meet in “real life”, it’s just how us parent bloggers roll. I'm going to cry I think @downssideup X #britmumslive A video posted by Julie's Notebook (@juliesnotebook) on Jun 20, 2015 at 8:36am PDT Hayley read Dear Richard Dawkins you are wrong and I remember […]


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Share the love and #SendTheLove 120

As you know it’s Valentine’s day shortly and I want to write about Blokey, almost to him. StressFreePrint wanted bloggers to write open letters to loved ones, so here goes. The poor guy gets a hard time living with me. At times I am extremely annoying to live with, I know I am, I hear myself being horrid and cringe. But it’s too late; the nasty words are already said.


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Winston’s wish – Father’s day 1

I received an email from a local charity which I am sharing with you all today. The following is written by Liam at Winston’s wish. They are a specialist support charity for children that have lost one or both parents. With Father’s Day approaching this weekend, Winston’s Wish knows that for children and young people coping with life after the death of their father, this time of year can be particularly poignant. Winston’s Wish, the leading childhood bereavement charity in the UK, supports bereaved children and families, helping them to rebuild their lives after the death of a loved one. This enables them to face the future with confidence and hope.


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It’s Over #MySundayPhoto 15

I’ve spent the last few days syringe feeding Maggie but its over. I tried dear Maggie, I’m sorry you couldn’t pull through. I let Bart and Mo, her hutch buddies, see her and say bye. Bart sniffed at her then tried putting his nose to hers, I guess he was checking for breathing. Mo looked sad, hopped past her and turned round so he was facing the same way Maggie’s body was, and laid down with her. That broke the tears out. He took about 1 minute, maybe an effort to warm her up? Then sulked off to his bedroom. I pick her up in her tea towel shroud and kiss her head and stroke her a final time. Good night my Maggie, just as the sun sets, good night Maggie Moo.


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#WorldMentalHealthDay My Story 4

Twitter informs me its World Mental Health Day today. Something I can contribute to I feel. The other day I shared my doctors letter with you. I was hurt and upset to read a professional stating “Julie’s condition disables her” and his opinion that I’ll probably never be fit to work again. This is due to mental health. Mental health is often invisible. It often comes with a huge stigma, and a lot of judgement. A brief history of me… I’ve been abused, step father and a male partner. I have been beaten, robbed, raped, forced to do things, and utterly controlled to a point I lost the will to live. I escaped, I ran a few hundred miles and made internet friends. One of those internet friends is my Blokey, and we have two gorgeous children. Despite my mood swings, flash backs, nightmares, phobias, depression, dissociative disorder, and break […]



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Is this how you see me? Is it?

Stigma – Do I Look Mental? #MentalPatient 5

Well twitter was a fun place tonight. An awful lot of people are deeply offended, upset, angered or plain livid with ASDA and Tesco. If you missed it I’m sure you’ll read about it soon. It’s not the costume that offends me so much as the name. Mental patient. I’m a mental patient actually, thanks ASDA. Read Nickie’s post on this costume. It has offended me and I am not really buying ASDAs “sorry” tweets. Way to go, fuel stigma and prejudice.   Do I look mental? Is there a uniform my psychotherapist forgot to issue me with? If I was cooking and had a big knife would that be a Halloween worthy look? Can you tell by looking at me I’m nuts? Mental? Medicated?


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Goodbye Dotty 8

A year and a bit ago I wrote welcome Dotty. I loved my ugly, smelly, noisy, deformed little guinea pig. He was special, his personality was hard to ignore. Just over a year ago I went to a pet shop just to buy bunny food and left with Dotty. He choose us, made it clear we were his people, I insisted on taking him home, the staff had to check with management as he wasn’t officially “ready for release” to be adopted… Something like that. So I spoke to the managers and said Dotty was calling to me, he had picked me, and I was willing to love Dotty and I had a spare hutch. I wouldn’t have taken no as an answer in honesty! And I don’t even like guinea pigs. He was very different. Were were told Dotty was a girl but I figured that was wrong shortly […]


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Bad Start 1

Well what can I say, today didn’t start off great. I struggled to sleep again last night, and I’ve never been much of a morning person anyway, but this morning I didn’t see or hear my alarms. I have various alarm clocks, all set at slightly different times. First thing I see or hear today, not the alarms, but Blokey in a bad mood demanding I wake up now. He’s one of those people that wake up and *boom* he’s wide awake. I am not like that. I go through stages almost, starting off barely awake, slow and confused, I gradually realise I’m awake, and try to fight sleep, then eventually after about 30 to 40 minutes of being dazed I wake properly and stumble to the loo and brush my teeth. From then I’m ok, awake even if I’m feeling exhausted from good or bad dreams the night before. […]


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Beauty And Calm For A Moment #MMskydive 8

Last night I read something and I just have to reply! GhostWriterMummy – Such Great Heights Susanne, aka GhostWriterMummy was part of Team Matilda Mae and skydived with me at the weekend. When she landed she spoke of a rainbow, a sign, something perfect in the sky. I hadn’t seen a rainbow, I felt Suz was really lucky, I wished I had seen a rainbow! But to me a rainbow is an arch, it wasn’t until I read her post about it that I realised we had seen the same. After my panic attack in “free fall” we were floating down in the parachute. Still just above the clouds, the clouds seemed like the floor at this point, a carpet of pure white cotton candy.


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The Pre #BritMumsLive Post 42

Hiya, if you found me because you are attending Brit Mums and are having a nosey around blogs of other attendees, then welcome to my blog! I’m Julie (Obviously, sorry) and I live in Gloucester. I have two children, both boys, D and Jen. I adore my sons, but I struggle with them.   I do not hide that I have mental health issues – if I smile at you and make eye contact often but don’t speak that means I want to talk, to say “Hiya I’m Julie” but I’m too self-concious, too shy, afraid you won’t know me, and then I’ll be embarrassed even more. Once I get past that, I think I’m chatty, friendly and a good listener. Things I like include cake, coffee, chocolate, cups of tea, and biccies. And this is why I’m trying hard to lose weight now before I skydive for Matilda. Not […]