Feelings


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I Went, I Saw, I Felt Awkward 49

Yesterday I went to #Cybher. A conference for women bloggers. I stayed over night at my Mum’s near Heathrow and got the train and tube in to central London. This was a big thing for me, I don’t go out alone often. On the way I was really excited, and a bit nervous, thinking I’d get lost and would the other bloggers like me? As it goes I got there nearly on time, and there were still some free handbags left! All the purple patterned ones had gone, there was fluorescent yellow or orange left. So I decided I would choose the yellow as it’s like cycling high visibility clothing. More me than neon orange! I felt lost then, I couldn’t see anyone I knew. I was getting very stressed and considered walking out, was not sure where to go or what I was meant to do. Just stood there. […]


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Why I adore the blogging community 4

Just look at Twitter tonight. Check out #MatildaMae and see the massive love and respect when one of “our own” suffers a loss. Here is an extremely moving tribute video by Jennie This is so sad, her cute cheeky little smile. Such a sweet girl, you will cry. Everywhere I look I’m seeing this avatar, people that know Jennie’s story and people that are just learning of it tonight. The reason we are all doing this? To support a family in a very sad time in their life. Tomorrow Jennie, her husband David and their twins lay MM to rest. It’s her funeral, a life suddenly taken, without warning. It’s heart-breaking, and unfair to be honest. It touched so many parents, with many of us hugging their mini-me’s more often since reading the tragic news. So many of us, all desperate to help them, wanting to change things for this […]


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D will be going to a Grammar school! 4

So proud of my Mr Smartie Pants, we got a letter this weekend saying he was one of the boys accepted in to (in my opinion) the best school in the area. One of the reasons we bought this house was the number of schools nearby, some better than others, much better. A Boys only Grammar school. From what D has said it seems only he and one other boy in his school were actually selected by the grammar school.  Gold star for my Son!!! Go D!!! Its brilliant news, I thought I had messed up my lads chances, as the entrance exam was on the weekend back in October when I wanted to throw myself from windows. I refused to accompany him to the exam as I couldn’t face going outside, I let him down. Thankfully his Dad took him there and waited to pick him up after […]


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Did You Know Furniture Should be Anchored? 4

I have just been reading this week about Meghan. A girl who was killed when her dresser, or chest of draws as we’d call it, fell on her. It really shocked me and got my attention. My boys have had their book shelf fall on them! Seems my boys were lucky. It’s eight years since her death and to mark the anniversary her mother, Kimberly, wrote some very long, thoughtful and moving posts. This post explains in detail what happened, and has photos of the furniture. Thing is it looks sturdy, solid, and harmless. Be with me just for today…. it’s utterly heartbreaking, yet beautiful. I could understand a huge fully laden bookcase injuring a child, but killing them?!? I had no idea that those little straps that come in Ikea wardrobe screw packs were important. And I’ve only ever seen them with Ikea items, and never read a serious warning […]


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Goodbye Nanny Mildge, We LOVE You 3

It is nearly over, My Nan’s doctors are no longer treating her following the stroke and unconsciousness. They are just keeping the drip going, and painkillers if she seems uncomfortable. They want to let her die. I am still torn as to whether Nan could hear me talking, whether she knew I held her hand for hours, and was rubbing her shoulder. I know she reacted to Jen’s voice, but did she “hear” it or was it a reflex? That question will haunt me a long time I am sure. My Nan was like a Mum to me, we lived with her when I was little. Then when things all got awkward I lived with Nan and gramps as a teenager too. Right now its like torture, I am waiting for my Nan to die, then feeling awfully guilty for thinking this. She might have hope I thought, but if […]


What a day

As I write now I’m sat on a travelodge bed in Chichester. Yesterday morning I was told my Nan had had a stroke, was ok and at a hospital. That she would be there for a fortnight or so following on from the stroke for speech therapy and mobility help. Today I was texting with my sister and she said she just spoken to hospital and they said to her was 50/50 if she lives or dies. A few mins later my mother phones, managed about 1 minute before she was in tears and her partner was on phone, she’s unconscious and chances are less. I had a bit of cry, bit of denial, pull yourself together Julie nans as tough as old boots, she’s not dying. Then right back to panic, my nans dying. I then calmly pack a days Clothing for boys, Hubby and me and toothbrushes then […]


Insomnia again

Writen at 2am, Why am I awake when I’ve got to be up for work in the morning? The last few weeks have been much worse for my sleep problem. The problem is I’m stuck in a feedback loop situation, perpetually tired! I can’t sleep, awake until 2 or 3am then meant to be up at 7 to 7.30 ish each day to get the kids washed, dressed and fed. What really happens is I struggle, try to keep my eyes open, then fail miserably…. wake up half an hour or more later and do everything in a blind panic. I’ve got good at putting on foundation as I cycle one-handed, but that’s not a good thing to admit really! Right now as I type into my phone my partner, although I should say fiance, is fast asleep making a hideous amount of noise…. I’m tempted to record and you […]


Potty training relapse??

Little Jen seems to be going backwards. He wets himself, or the bed every few days, which is a real shame as he has been pretty good until now. This started at about the time he found out his childminder became a Nanny. Her holding a baby, its like he feels replaced, he calls her “Nanny Shell” …. he is really close to her. When her daughter was pregnant Jen kept guessing the baby would be a boy. So he reallly likes her and could be feeling replaced, could this be a jealousy problem? Or is it a big coincidence?


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Nearly time to say bye bye 2

A family member on my Blokey’s family died recently. Its the funeral on Wednesday this week. We’ve been getting ready, in unusual style!! The lovely, and much missed relative was Auntie Linda, or SmileyL. She was so inspirational, sick her entire life, but smiled almost constantly. She even collected anything with a Yellow Smiley face on, hats, mugs, wind up desk toys, pens, balloons….. you name it. If it was vivid yellow and had stray punctuation on it, she owned it. Sooo, in honour we have got a custom funeral flowers posy plate thingamy. Bright yellow floral smiley face! Like the one on this page, but from a local florist http://www.rays.floristblog.co.uk/?p=353 Ohhh and Blokey is going in a smiley t-shirt. Similar to this http://www.zazzle.co.uk/