I’ve spent the last few days syringe feeding Maggie but its over. I tried dear Maggie, I’m sorry you couldn’t pull through. I let Bart and Mo, her hutch buddies, see her and say bye. Bart sniffed at her then tried putting his nose to hers, I guess he was checking for breathing. Mo looked sad, hopped past her and turned round so he was facing the same way Maggie’s body was, and laid down with her. That broke the tears out. He took about 1 minute, maybe an effort to warm her up? Then sulked off to his bedroom. I pick her up in her tea towel shroud and kiss her head and stroke her a final time. Good night my Maggie, just as the sun sets, good night Maggie Moo.
It is nearly over, My Nan’s doctors are no longer treating her following the stroke and unconsciousness. They are just keeping the drip going, and painkillers if she seems uncomfortable. They want to let her die. I am still torn as to whether Nan could hear me talking, whether she knew I held her hand for hours, and was rubbing her shoulder. I know she reacted to Jen’s voice, but did she “hear” it or was it a reflex? That question will haunt me a long time I am sure. My Nan was like a Mum to me, we lived with her when I was little. Then when things all got awkward I lived with Nan and gramps as a teenager too. Right now its like torture, I am waiting for my Nan to die, then feeling awfully guilty for thinking this. She might have hope I thought, but if […]
As I write now I’m sat on a travelodge bed in Chichester. Yesterday morning I was told my Nan had had a stroke, was ok and at a hospital. That she would be there for a fortnight or so following on from the stroke for speech therapy and mobility help. Today I was texting with my sister and she said she just spoken to hospital and they said to her was 50/50 if she lives or dies. A few mins later my mother phones, managed about 1 minute before she was in tears and her partner was on phone, she’s unconscious and chances are less. I had a bit of cry, bit of denial, pull yourself together Julie nans as tough as old boots, she’s not dying. Then right back to panic, my nans dying. I then calmly pack a days Clothing for boys, Hubby and me and toothbrushes then […]