This morning I woke in the night, as I often do. Still a bit sleepy I walk in to my kitchen for a drink, not bothering to turn on the lights as I can see enough from the orange glow of a nearby street lamp. I bent down to retrieve a clean and slightly warm mug from my dishwasher and I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. A woman is in my garden, walking past my window. I see her eyes towards me, shes looking in to my home, I duck but keep watch. Then a second shadow sneaks past. I hear whispered voices. They are standing still, in my front garden, right at my front door. I feel frightened. I shout loudly to Blokey upstairs “there are people in our garden” and I run upstairs to look from a safer place. Its not like opening my […]
It’s not been great recently, I won’t lie. I’m done, I’ve had enough and I want out. Except I’ve no where really to go. I can’t stand Him Indoors telling me I’m useless, that I’m lazy and milking an “illness” and should get a job… in retail no less. He keeps pointing out shop work : you know, what therapist and doctors and an independent occupational health adviser agree I’m not suited for. Retail nearly saw me leap from a window. Since not “working” I’ve got in to blogging, trying to blog for good, not just personal rants or reviews. I’ve helped charities, and supported others in the “online community”. To him they are strangers, people that don’t matter. To me they are my only friends. I need them, and I hope it’s a two-way friendship that they like me back.
Yesterday Jen was being cute and chatty. Today he’s been stamping, screeching and trashing things. I removed the cardboard box (from my other post) so that I could attempt to tidy the front room. It was at a point I could no longer cope with the mess…. Then he poured his drink of water over his hotwheels track, proudly announcing “My cars can skid now!” I wasn’t as impressed by this as he was expecting. That was the final straw, a soaking wet carpet. “Please tidy up now. You knew water play is for the garden or bath.”
Christmas is like Marmite, but I can’t decide if I love or hate it. On the love side I’m in love with the almost romantic idea of Christmas, family being together. Children getting presents, adults eating posh food and falling asleep during the Queen’s speech… advent calendars and decorated trees. Does all sound lovely….But in reality, I suck at Crimbo. I’ve no idea how to make it feel like Christmas anymore. Everything has got so commercial, spend spend SPEND. Kids all bragging on end of term about whose parents spent the most, and how big their tree is, and that their uncle Steve always gives them £30 in his card. Where is the love? Personally I struggle and we try really hard to afford nice things for the boys. This year by “couponing” we got D something on the top of his Xmas wish list (ransom note). It’s a Lego train […]
My other half is on the motorway driving back now. He’s been away since Sunday.It’s been a stressful 2 days, my boys have been arguing and fighting each other, last night Jen was ill so he was awake until about 2.30am which was fun, then this morning my dishwasher failed mid program. Now I have loads of half washed stuff and a dishwasher full of dirty water. No idea how I can empty it out now, even in stand by it makes a strange growly noise. Can’t even make it start another program, just will not go. Does anyone know anything about dishwashers? I could vlog (video blog) the problem and noise? Really can’t afford a new one after spending so much getting passports, suitcases, swimming shorts for the kids, train to from London, a hotel for Friday night etc. Why do things break when you can’t afford to repair/replace […]