How I wish I meant her birthday, or something sweet.
Sadly two years ago today Matilda Mae passed away. She went to her bed and just didn’t wake up. For no reason at all she was just gone. The Angels took her. Matilda Mae was dead.
Jennie (@Edspire) tweeted her daughter was dead. Every piece of me wanted the tweet I read to be wrong. Perhaps some sick sod has hacked Jennie’s twitter? Maybe it’s some kind of dare to post something shocking? Maybe I imagined reading it (I checked, it was still there). What if…. I was running out of excuses for why it was not true.
It was true, Matilda Mae was gone. I felt so bad for Jennie and her family. She had reached out to the Internet at an awful time, and I hope that the reaction helped somehow.
The stars went worldwide. I remember I read a story about the bloggers and tweeters giving support in huge numbers on an Australian newspaper website.
Back home I just wanted to do something, anything. I can’t fix this. I can’t make Matilda come back. I can’t fix this. No one can. I noticed a group of other interneters were deeply touched and we sort of form friendships, united by a “strangers” loss. But Jennie wasn’t a true stranger; I had seen family photos, I had read her thoughts, seen her blog. And others were feeling the same.
We became the #MMskydive team. Twice now I have jumped from a plane in the memory of a little girl I never knew in person. Twice I’ve cried my heart out and had panic attacks to raise money for charity in Matilda’s name. It’s not enough, but it is a massive hurdle for me – it’s the most I can do and the least I can do.
A family has an empty seat at the dinner take, a hole in their hearts, a box of toys and things that are never to be used again. A huge gap in their souls that most of us can never ever comprehend.
Last night I was thinking of Matilda and the effect she had on the world in her nine months in this world. She touched so many people. So very many hearts cried for her. And so many more said never again and wanted to change something, do something. Several thousands of pounds has been given to charity in Matilda’s name. Through crazy fundraising right through to private quiet grief, people all over the world have given for Matilda Mae to the Lullaby Trust and to Bliss. I can’t prove it, but I am pretty sure we’ve saved a life with our fundraising, but oh how I wish it was little Matilda we saved. X
Yes, I might be slightly mental but I am doing it again. I am still afraid, I still have vertigo; but I will do this.
I am going to lose a stone (hopefully) to make it easier as well.