I feel sorry for my Partner.
Since my medication was increased I’ve been having more vocal outbursts whilst asleep. Whilst I don’t think my dreams are any worse than before, this last week has been interesting for the poor blokey.
On Saturday morning in the early hours I was having one of those dreams about the past again, not pleasant sort of dream, I was muttering in my sleep then I apparently punched him hard twice in the back. Not a little half-hearted slap, a proper punch from which he’s still sore now. I remember feeling threatened in my dream, and I had attacked someone to defend myself, of course I later learnt I hadn’t *just* dreamt about hitting out.
Sunday morning also in the middle of night I started shouting. I vaguely remember giving some strongly worded insults in my dream/nightmare. Again it was a dream involving Domestic Violence from my past. I woke with a slight sense of embarrassment, along the lines of please please I hope I haven’t said these things out loud. Worse than that, I’d shouted them AT my partner. I turned towards him whilst still asleep and shouted at him nasty horrid words about being beaten, abused, hurt.. As though it was him who did these things to me (to be clear, he’s not like the ex)… Shouting at the top of my voice. I’m afraid if my neighbours heard they might mistake my blokey for a rapist to be honest. I remember roughly the words I used, and I’m not pleased my partner heard me say these things, worst of all that I had turned to face him, then let rip.
This morning, another bizarre dream. A nightmare, but warped kind of nightmare. This time Partner didn’t say I shouted at him or do anything nasty. This time I apparently did something “adult” whilst asleep. Believe it or not was a bad dream, violence and shouting again. When I woke up and he said “what on earth was the dream about last night?” I realised I had suddenly got a bit “friendly”, then within twenty seconds fallen back back to sleep. Unsurprisingly no complaint about this morning. But I still felt bad! Doing things unintentionally is unnerving.
Poor man though. I know these are not one-offs, its just that its happening much more frequently at the moment.
His reaction to my violent, vocal and frankly bizarre out bursts whilst sleeping? NOTHING, he just moves away and waits until I stop then moves back closer and hugs me if I wake up whilst crying/shouting.
I know I can sleep walk, and hold an actual conversation in my sleep (something my kids take advantage of! “Mummy can I have Chocolate and play Xbox?” and I’d say yes sure, brush your teeth before bed or something like that) and that I sometimes wake up doing things such as standing by the kettle holding a mug, or in bathroom with a toothbrush in my hand sat by sink!
I dislike this increase in dreams, or increase in dreams that I accidentally share with my partner, the neighbours and possibly even my boys have heard these things? Often luckily, I seem to lash out at times others should be completely asleep, around 2 to 5am.
Hoping this is just a phase that passes soon, I don’t like waking up and thinking “Oh heck, I wonder what I said or did last night?!”