The following post is a brave post by Sarah, it’s an account of abuse she suffered from as a teenager. This story may upset readers, so do not read if likely to be “triggered” by this post. Everything in this post is in Sarah’s own words.
My story begins at 17. I had just moved into sheltered housing after my release from hospital due to numerous mental health issues and while I was older than some, I had led a very sheltered life. My time there had good and bad points; I learnt to fend for myself but was also completely taken advantage of. I quickly made friends with many of the others living in the building.
At some point during my time there, someone introduced me to a chat “wap” website and I can easily admit now I was lonely and naïve and probably easy to spot a mile off as I didn’t present as a strong outgoing teen – although then I would have told you differently.
Many men tried it on, wanting pictures and while I found it easy to say no to those, there was one who seemed kinder, caring; he asked me how I was, seemed to want to know about me, he seemed to really be bothered. He would also talk about himself, he drove cabs; he even did the school run and I believed he was a good, honest guy.
It wasn’t long before he asked for us to meet, something I should never had agreed to but I thought he was nice. We arranged a time for me to head down to London to meet. At this point I was 18 and if I remember, he was 32. He treated me well that first day – took me out for a meal, paid for everything. He even offered me his coat as I hadn’t brought anything warm.
Some of the weekend is still a blur – I can’t remember why but I remember him making me lie on the bed and him looking into my vagina using a torch – I think I had been on my period, I remember so badly wanting to say stop but I was confused and scared and just thought I’ll be going home soon and it will all be over.
As I headed home the next day I tried to give him his jacket back but he refused to take it – I remember sitting on the train wishing I had thrown it back at him. I didn’t know why these thoughts niggled but I was between thinking he had been so nice and feeling completely uncomfortable.
A week later I got a text, I’m on my way to you to come and get my jacket – I panicked, what should I do? He only had the area I lived in so on reflection I could have ignored it and he’d never have been able to find me but I was scared he would so I asked my Dad to pick him up from the station and that’s when the worst started.
In reality what happened next only happened over a few short months but to me it felt like a lifetime. The first week I was spoilt, brought things I needed; a microwave, some new clothes and more – but it quickly descended into something sinister.
He soon started deciding when I could go to the toilet, have a cigarette, he started ordering things from catalogues. One of the most memorable items was a fryer, he bought potatoes and would make me chop and peel them for him and make me eat them all.
Next came credit cards, phone contracts and more catalogues all in my name though most of the time without my knowledge – in the few months I was subjected to his “world” he ran up £20,000 of debt in my name.
I was subjected to being his “play” object as and when he wished. One day that stands out in my mind was the day he tried to force me to suck his penis. I remember crying and saying no, please no, begging him and the more I begged him to stop, the more it seemed to turn him on. In the end he raped me as I lay there crying.
When people were around he knew I may speak to who may help me – he would lock me in the bathroom, a room without windows. He would hang the light cord outside the door so he could turn it off if I dared turn it back on and a chair would be placed outside the door with him sat on it so I couldn’t escape.
During this time, he also shaved part of my hair right off as it annoyed him, he would force me to lay down whilst he shaved my vagina and then plucked out any remaining hairs. By this point I was too scared to say anything as I had no idea what would happen next.
In the end the lady living over the hall knocked on my room and told him to get the hell out as she’d had enough of my screaming; I have no idea why he left that day but he did and she made me phone my parents and tell them everything. I was quickly whisked away in a taxi.
I spent the next few days fighting my parents to get back to him, being unable to even go to the toilet without permission and eventually being giving some sedation meds to calm me down.
While I never saw him again from this point, I did hear from him and also heard a lot of stories about what he had done to others and me well… I got free of one person and landed myself in the circle of abuse, going through two similar relationships before getting the help I needed when I was 21.
Today the past still has a huge effect on my life. I am scared of the dark, I often flinch when someone comes near and I struggle to let anyone in; however I am stronger as a person especially when it comes to my mental health – if I can survive this, then I can survive the demons in my head.
Thank you Sarah. I had an evil controlling ex myself so to a certain extent I understand, and that is why I am sharing this story. I met Blokey via the internet, but my luck was better this time around. I still advise other people to be very careful meeting people online.