Why is it my Jen hates brushing his teeth? He tries all kinds of excuses for why he shouldn’t and sadly his dentist wasn’t much help. When I said in his last appointment “Jen refuses to brush his teeth most days” she replied with “don’t worry these are still just the milk teeth” to me and later to Jen “your teeth are looking great, well done”. Not well done, they have big tartar lines along them. I was less than impressed. Luckily the folk at Oasis have been in touch and sent Jen some charts and stickers and sugar free lollipops as rewards.
As some of my readers know, I have big phobias. Complicated phobias. Phobias that overlap and make lots of things very hard for me, almost impossible in some situations. But today sod you medical phobia, I was stronger than you today. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for months now, and sometimes I think “What is the point?” as I leave in tears or shakey or angry. Sometimes it feels like I am going backwards not forwards fixing these phobias and flashbacks and nightmares and well, you know!
I asked other bloggers recently if they knew of pet companies that work with bloggers. So Lisa suggested I get in touch with Wagg. I already use their Bunny Brunch food for my rabbits so was confident whatever they posted to Freya would be tasty. It took me a while to get round to giving these training treats to her. The Dogs Trust staff had advised us do not keep swapping treats… Stick to one type, then swap when you’ve run out of the first ones. That way if something upsets your woofs tummy you know which new food or treat is to blame. That is great advice whatever pet you have. Today I had a doctors appointment so had to go out for an hour, she chewed her toys and blanket up again, crying and stressed. So today was a good day for treats. Super cute little bone treats….
Well what can I say, today didn’t start off great. I struggled to sleep again last night, and I’ve never been much of a morning person anyway, but this morning I didn’t see or hear my alarms. I have various alarm clocks, all set at slightly different times. First thing I see or hear today, not the alarms, but Blokey in a bad mood demanding I wake up now. He’s one of those people that wake up and *boom* he’s wide awake. I am not like that. I go through stages almost, starting off barely awake, slow and confused, I gradually realise I’m awake, and try to fight sleep, then eventually after about 30 to 40 minutes of being dazed I wake properly and stumble to the loo and brush my teeth. From then I’m ok, awake even if I’m feeling exhausted from good or bad dreams the night before. […]
For the last fortnight I’ve been a bit wobbly. I had told myself was nothing, just nerves about going to London, about Blokey being in Canada and about the driving test. I was wrong. It’s been getting worse, so I begged for a doctors appointment. I get Labyrinthitus a few times a year but this didn’t feel quite like that. The doctor said its BPPV or benign p-something positional vertigo. Different types of vertigo on NHS choices site explains the differences medically. How it feels to me… It’s like being stood on a boat, rocking and swaying constantly in the tide. I sway even when sat down. To be honest I still feel I am moving now, as I type this in from my bed. It is unpleasant, very. I feel sea sick and on dry land. Walking is a challenge as it really steals your balance, I would definitely […]
It’s way past bedtime and here I am, wide awake and trying to ignore the urge to tidy the house. Can I sleep now. Today, well technically yesterday, I went to the weekly Psychotherapy appointment but this time I broke down in tears. A snotty, damp red faced mess. Gawd how much I wanted a hug then, but can’t hug or even shake a doctor/therapists hand. He had me explain why I feel such overwhelming desire to “protect the youngest” in most situations, why my eldest resents me. Why I’m always so self negative. What happened at the boys births and how I said goodbye to D at five days old and telling him to look after his Daddy, because a doctor told me I’d die by morning. How I thought I’d die if I was pregnant again. How I hate myself for being a rubbish mum. Being disappointed in […]
Today I had to go for my therapy assessment. Was a big old building, not very welcoming as the door had several buzzer systems, a massive door knob and a few separate locks. Could be worse, plenty of improvement space though. I pressed the buzzer marked “reception” and say hi I’ve got an appointment. She replies OK then, but fails to let my in. I try a few times. Feel vulnerable and stupid stood on the doorstep of this building, massive mental health signs on the fence. Three students sat on the high steps of a Victorian house on the other side of the road, I might as well have been wearing a dunce hat with CRAZY in flashing neon lights. Could hear their comments, wasn’t a pleasant place to be. Luckily a patient (I assume as she had no badges or NHS pass card lanyard thingy “doctors” normally have) […]
I’ll start with a super fast bit of history. My mother and Nan both have bad varicous viens, my grandfather had bad veins then got DVT following travelling the world. I have had purple and green veins rather visible and getting more visible and now painful over the last year or so. My left leg is very normal, but my right is the problematic one. The pain and aching increased around my first ever flights, to Florida in June last year. Then since Australia in November it hurts nearly constantly, and by now it is constant pain. Not fun! I’ve been saying to the doctors its not good, and declining steadily for a year now. I feel like a little old woman, I hobble and limp, particularly at night. I think this is due to walking about in the day. I’ve had enough now, and have another doctors appointment on […]
I’m going camping tomorrow, leaving at 8am. I still haven’t started packing. How awful am i? Haha, distracted by friends on Twitter, as usual. Anyhow, I’m off to cornwall, for 2 weeks. We stay on a nice farm, kids have free access to farm animals to huggle, big trampolines, go-karts on a decent sized tarmac track, swings, slides, sandpit. Total bargain when my kids often want to do the 5 mins on a trampoline (think beaches or summer fetes) for £2! The campsite is less than a travellodge per night, and near a small beach in cornwall. It’s fab! Reminds me though, that this time last year I was worried about breast cancer. Had lumps, the holiday fell between doctors appointment and the full hospital scan business. Me and other half were discussing wills and such in dark after boys were asleep. This year WILL be better!