Twitter informs me its World Mental Health Day today. Something I can contribute to I feel. The other day I shared my doctors letter with you. I was hurt and upset to read a professional stating “Julie’s condition disables her” and his opinion that I’ll probably never be fit to work again. This is due to mental health. Mental health is often invisible. It often comes with a huge stigma, and a lot of judgement. A brief history of me… I’ve been abused, step father and a male partner. I have been beaten, robbed, raped, forced to do things, and utterly controlled to a point I lost the will to live. I escaped, I ran a few hundred miles and made internet friends. One of those internet friends is my Blokey, and we have two gorgeous children. Despite my mood swings, flash backs, nightmares, phobias, depression, dissociative disorder, and break […]
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Well twitter was a fun place tonight. An awful lot of people are deeply offended, upset, angered or plain livid with ASDA and Tesco. If you missed it I’m sure you’ll read about it soon. It’s not the costume that offends me so much as the name. Mental patient. I’m a mental patient actually, thanks ASDA. Read Nickie’s post on this costume. It has offended me and I am not really buying ASDAs “sorry” tweets. Way to go, fuel stigma and prejudice. Do I look mental? Is there a uniform my psychotherapist forgot to issue me with? If I was cooking and had a big knife would that be a Halloween worthy look? Can you tell by looking at me I’m nuts? Mental? Medicated?
It’s not been great recently, I won’t lie. I’m done, I’ve had enough and I want out. Except I’ve no where really to go. I can’t stand Him Indoors telling me I’m useless, that I’m lazy and milking an “illness” and should get a job… in retail no less. He keeps pointing out shop work : you know, what therapist and doctors and an independent occupational health adviser agree I’m not suited for. Retail nearly saw me leap from a window. Since not “working” I’ve got in to blogging, trying to blog for good, not just personal rants or reviews. I’ve helped charities, and supported others in the “online community”. To him they are strangers, people that don’t matter. To me they are my only friends. I need them, and I hope it’s a two-way friendship that they like me back.
Well what can I say, today didn’t start off great. I struggled to sleep again last night, and I’ve never been much of a morning person anyway, but this morning I didn’t see or hear my alarms. I have various alarm clocks, all set at slightly different times. First thing I see or hear today, not the alarms, but Blokey in a bad mood demanding I wake up now. He’s one of those people that wake up and *boom* he’s wide awake. I am not like that. I go through stages almost, starting off barely awake, slow and confused, I gradually realise I’m awake, and try to fight sleep, then eventually after about 30 to 40 minutes of being dazed I wake properly and stumble to the loo and brush my teeth. From then I’m ok, awake even if I’m feeling exhausted from good or bad dreams the night before. […]
The following is stolen quoted from Jax’s post Liveotherwise – Have you ever been annoying? Well be careful then, you might be about to become a criminal. Sadly, I’m not exaggerating. You see, in a drive to simplify our somewhat overburdened legislation, the government is currently considering a new Bill, the Anti-social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Bill which could make being annoying a criminal act. They are looking at replacing ASBOs with IPNAs – Injunctions to Prevent Nuisance and Annoyance. Now, preventing nuisance and annoyance probably sounds like a great idea. But, think about this properly. This can be applied to a child from aged 10 or up. Do you know any child from age 10 or up that is never a nuisance or annoyance? Perhaps you’re still not worried because after all, there will be a carefully described and thought through series of checks and balances, right. Um. (1) […]
Hiya, if you found me because you are attending Brit Mums and are having a nosey around blogs of other attendees, then welcome to my blog! I’m Julie (Obviously, sorry) and I live in Gloucester. I have two children, both boys, D and Jen. I adore my sons, but I struggle with them. I do not hide that I have mental health issues – if I smile at you and make eye contact often but don’t speak that means I want to talk, to say “Hiya I’m Julie” but I’m too self-concious, too shy, afraid you won’t know me, and then I’ll be embarrassed even more. Once I get past that, I think I’m chatty, friendly and a good listener. Things I like include cake, coffee, chocolate, cups of tea, and biccies. And this is why I’m trying hard to lose weight now before I skydive for Matilda. Not […]
Hello!I’ve had an idea to get fundraising for the #MMskydive. As the cute badge on my side bars tells you, I’m jumping from a plane in July for charity. I am doing this for the family of Matilda Mae, as their story really touched me. I’m actually scared of heights, confined spaces, strangers, wide open areas and lots of other phobias, so this was a pretty big thing for me to join in with. I will be high up, in a tiny plane, strapped to an instructor I do not know and surrounded by fellow bloggers, none of whom I’ve ever met in real life so are strangers still, and the place the instructor aims for will be a massive open space! It ticks lots of phobia boxes, but I’m determined I’m going to do this and I’m convincing myself it is good to force yourself to do crazy things […]
From today, Wednesday the 10th of April, FSID are changing their name to The Lullaby Trust. Bright new future, in support of Edspire! This is a much more gentle sounding name and might help families feel more able to access the information and services that they provide.This was top secret until now, so look suprised? 😉 I’m sharing this music video to help spread the word about the new name change. I think it’s a beautiful song, and is also very relevant as I was encouraged to write this by Jennie Edspire whose angel Matilda Mae passed away. Her name meant “star of the sea” so Star Sailor’s Lullaby was the obvious choice for me to use, after a bit of careful thought. About FSID.org.uk / The Lullaby Trust.Online you’ll find lots of advice about trying to prevent cot death, but if you aren’t sure I’d check what your local […]
For a long time I’ve been saying D is special and I suspect Aspergers or something related to it? I’m no doctor though. But there is definitely something odd, something un-average. He’s charming, super smart and obsessed by maths and Lego but at times he just flips and is like a disruptive hurricane of rage and hate that you can not even communicate with. Today for the first time in months, I think the first time this year actually, I went round someones house for tea. It should have been lunch but I was running late. It was nice for a while. Me and friend were chatting grown up things whilst drinking tea and all our kids were playing nicely on a Kinect doing bowling together, for a short time anyway it was nice! Then D suddenly flipped like he does at home, in front of another grown up. Whilst […]
What to do? I’ve been off since October due to mental health. I still think returning to retail is wrong for me. I could work, but I’ve a great number of phobias and issues that limit the work I can do. How can you do shift work when afraid of the dark? I can’t even go into my garden after dark unless accompanied. Can’t work at the hospital due to my extreme medical phobias. Anything door to door is a non starter, fear of dogs and agoraphobia. It’s fun being different. :-/ I’m no longer getting paid by my employer as it’s been so long. But the idea of letting the benefit agency and ATOS scrutinise my mental health frightens me nearly as much as working with strangers. I’ve only ever done shop work, so office jobs don’t even respond to my applications. Or I get told irrelevant experience, wrong […]
So much fake lovey dovey stuff is forced in our faces from mid January to make you buy over priced and largely tatt tokens of affection. I don’t want chocolates in a heart shaped box, or a cheaply made teddy bear just because it’s hugging a heart cushion. It’s everywhere, and this year I am NOT playing this Valentine’s game! This is going to be a rant, a personal one. If you know my in real life kindly stop reading. One year ago, on Valentine’s day night, at midnight so he’d think I’d forgotten any kind of gift or love token, totally unexpected to him (I think) I got down on one knee and asked him to be my husband. He said yes, I was so happy. Then he refused to put the ring on saying he didn’t like jewelry, didn’t want it mentioned anywhere people might hear it or […]
On Wednesday I went out to Birmingham, I was on a mission to buy Merlin Annual passes. They have a January sale on, we had been looking online to buy these, but was about £550 online or £360 in a Merlin attraction. The sale prices were “in-store only” which is a bit of a nuisance. So twenty quid train fare was a bargain really to grab £200 ish discount. I am not actually paying, my mum wanted to treat my boys to some fun. Cheers Mummy. So at the station this morning there was some drama. A “fatality on the line” had caused some delays and cancelled trains.Was a bit awkward sitting on the platform listening to other passengers asking why people with mental health issues and depression are let out alone. I was just sinking into the bench on the platform willing the train to hurry up. When I […]