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Tokophobia – have you heard of it? 13

No, I hadn’t either. But I was reading a pals blog, a lovely happy post, then I clicked on one of the related posts at the end. It was this the truth about tokophobia. Tokophobia apparently means an extreme phobia of pregnancy. So there is a new word for me to remember. I am terrified of pregnancy. Terrified of birth. Terrified of labour. I have flash back phobia related dreams. I imagine myself in labour, even though I am only dreaming I feel the pain. I feel cramping sudden pain like smaller contractions. Until I wake up I am back there. Things didn’t go well for me at the birth of my first son. Apparently it was all fine and not medically unusual. But I kept saying “something is wrong. Something is still inside me.” They didn’t believe I knew my own body, first time Mother, what would she know? […]


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#MMskydive – Why Am I Skydiving For The Lullaby Trust? 2

The last few days Team Matilda Mae have been busy talking about ideas for fundraising and I realised I’ve not really explained why I want to do this. Why am I willing to jump from a plane for a family I’ve never met? Why should I even care? Well here goes, I care simply because I am a Mum too. I saw the tweets from Jennie about Matilda Mae and all my sympathy, and thoughts were with her, I wanted to fix this. Hoped so hard it was a mistake, that She might wake up. I cried reading my screen, Jennie was not just words on a screen, she was a real lady, sharing her real emotions, and I needed to fix it, to help, to listen. But I can’t fix it, there is nothing anyone can do to bring Matilda back, but by doing something mad for The Lullaby Trust charity […]


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Pimping Out My Online Skills #JuliesCV 9

I need work, whilst I don’t think I can hold a normal job at the moment, the classic 9-5 is not right for me I do need some sort of income, sooo.. Here goes.. Typing away…. I have been out of work since October with depression and mental health. This in no way stops me writing or blogging but definitely impacts on my daily life, in particular speaking to people in person is very hard for me and leaving my house alone. Yesterday my partner also got bad employment news. We thought he was lined up to be made redundant, which wouldn’t have been great news, but there would have been a redundancy payout by the company so that would have actually been OK. What his bosses have done instead, is to demote him, including a pay cut as his job is “no longer needed”, and to keep his notice […]


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Food. Farming. Future. 2

Well I was tagged by a twitter friend and asked to help out, so here you go Mich @ Mummy from the heart blog. Mich blogs these things so much better than me, so please do go to her blog for a read of her version. As a Mum I hate those starving kids adverts for charities on TV, not because I’m tight, but because it makes me feel helpless and useless I can’t do much to help them, I can’t go there personally and give those children clean water or food or hugs, and I won’t get into a financial debate here, but things are tight at the moment. I am very glad I was born in England, with clean water, and access to food and medicines. My youngest son, although not born early, or by C-section had a very similar problem to the situation mention in Mich’s post […]