mental health


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Blog takeover : Katy from Still Here

Katy has been a good virtual pal to me over the last few months, and she’s great. Here is what Katy says…. In 2010, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia after suffering from strange experiences for over three years. It was an earth shattering diagnosis, and despite having ‘company’ from my voices, it was the loneliest time of my life. When I started recovering from the symptoms a year after diagnosis, I wanted to do something to help others. I didn’t have a clue what I could do, but after finding inspiration in a memoir about schizophrenia, I started my own blog, joined Twitter and then did the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I started a magazine. I started Still Here magazine so that people with schizophrenia, psychosis and other mental illnesses could find support, inspiration and most of all, reduce loneliness. It is a one-year long experiment, […]


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#PRrequest Help a Charity and Sponsor Me 4

Hello!I’ve had an idea to get fundraising for the #MMskydive. As the cute badge on my side bars tells you, I’m jumping from a plane in July for charity. I am doing this for the family of Matilda Mae, as their story really touched me. I’m actually scared of heights, confined spaces, strangers, wide open areas and lots of other phobias, so this was a pretty big thing for me to join in with. I will be high up, in a tiny plane, strapped to an instructor I do not know and surrounded by fellow bloggers, none of whom I’ve ever met in real life so are strangers still, and the place the instructor aims for will be a massive open space! It ticks lots of phobia boxes, but I’m determined I’m going to do this and I’m convincing myself it is good to force yourself to do crazy things […]


D had a Meltdown 6

For a long time I’ve been saying D is special and I suspect Aspergers or something related to it? I’m no doctor though. But there is definitely something odd, something un-average. He’s charming, super smart and obsessed by maths and Lego but at times he just flips and is like a disruptive hurricane of rage and hate that you can not even communicate with. Today for the first time in months, I think the first time this year actually, I went round someones house for tea. It should have been lunch but I was running late. It was nice for a while. Me and friend were chatting grown up things whilst drinking tea and all our kids were playing nicely on a Kinect doing bowling together, for a short time anyway it was nice! Then D suddenly flipped like he does at home, in front of another grown up. Whilst […]


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Work Vs Benefits 2

What to do? I’ve been off since October due to mental health. I still think returning to retail is wrong for me. I could work, but I’ve a great number of phobias and issues that limit the work I can do. How can you do shift work when afraid of the dark? I can’t even go into my garden after dark unless accompanied. Can’t work at the hospital due to my extreme medical phobias. Anything door to door is a non starter, fear of dogs and agoraphobia. It’s fun being different. :-/ I’m no longer getting paid by my employer as it’s been so long. But the idea of letting the benefit agency and ATOS scrutinise my mental health frightens me nearly as much as working with strangers. I’ve only ever done shop work, so office jobs don’t even respond to my applications. Or I get told irrelevant experience, wrong […]


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Pimping Out My Online Skills #JuliesCV 9

I need work, whilst I don’t think I can hold a normal job at the moment, the classic 9-5 is not right for me I do need some sort of income, sooo.. Here goes.. Typing away…. I have been out of work since October with depression and mental health. This in no way stops me writing or blogging but definitely impacts on my daily life, in particular speaking to people in person is very hard for me and leaving my house alone. Yesterday my partner also got bad employment news. We thought he was lined up to be made redundant, which wouldn’t have been great news, but there would have been a redundancy payout by the company so that would have actually been OK. What his bosses have done instead, is to demote him, including a pay cut as his job is “no longer needed”, and to keep his notice […]


Why I hate Valentines day 10

So much fake lovey dovey stuff is forced in our faces from mid January to make you buy over priced and largely tatt tokens of affection. I don’t want chocolates in a heart shaped box, or a cheaply made teddy bear just because it’s hugging a heart cushion. It’s everywhere, and this year I am NOT playing this Valentine’s game! This is going to be a rant, a personal one. If you know my in real life kindly stop reading. One year ago, on Valentine’s day night, at midnight so he’d think I’d forgotten any kind of gift or love token, totally unexpected to him (I think) I got down on one knee and asked him to be my husband. He said yes, I was so happy. Then he refused to put the ring on saying he didn’t like jewelry, didn’t want it mentioned anywhere people might hear it or […]


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Went out alone, to SeaLife 2

On Wednesday I went out to Birmingham, I was on a mission to buy Merlin Annual passes. They have a January sale on, we had been looking online to buy these, but was about £550 online or £360 in a Merlin attraction. The sale prices were “in-store only” which is a bit of a nuisance. So twenty quid train fare was a bargain really to grab £200 ish discount. I am not actually paying, my mum wanted to treat my boys to some fun. Cheers Mummy. So at the station this morning there was some drama. A “fatality on the line” had caused some delays and cancelled trains.Was a bit awkward sitting on the platform listening to other passengers asking why people with mental health issues and depression are let out alone. I was just sinking into the bench on the platform willing the train to hurry up. When I […]


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Mental Health Therapy Center is Shocking 4

Today I had to go for my therapy assessment. Was a big old building, not very welcoming as the door had several buzzer systems, a massive door knob and a few separate locks. Could be worse, plenty of improvement space though. I pressed the buzzer marked “reception” and say hi I’ve got an appointment. She replies OK then, but fails to let my in. I try a few times. Feel vulnerable and stupid stood on the doorstep of this building, massive mental health signs on the fence. Three students sat on the high steps of a Victorian house on the other side of the road, I might as well have been wearing a dunce hat with CRAZY in flashing neon lights. Could hear their comments, wasn’t a pleasant place to be. Luckily a patient (I assume as she had no badges or NHS pass card lanyard thingy “doctors” normally have) […]


Stress, shouting and chest pain

It’s been a stressful day for me. Well stressful week. I went out recently with my mother, first time I’d been near the city center since was signed off. Since I went mad I should say. I was so nervous and freaked out I felt like I was going to be sick, not that I was telling mum that. I was noticeably fidgity, constantly pulling and twisting and stroking my hair. I’m losing hair if I’m honest now. Can see thinner patches, have my hand in my hair right now infact. People in general don’t understand mental health problems, unless they’ve been here. Right now I’m hiding in the dark, yet again. I’ve been home with both kids today. They’ve been ignoring my attempts at parenting, only time they listen is if I’m holding food. The rest of the time its like being with feral animals. Unsure if they intend […]


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Kaboom – The Breakdown Post 8

Well, what can I say? I think kaboom is a great word for what’s going on. Last weekend I had a mental breakdown, it had been building for some time to be fair. I’ve been saying “I’m fine” way too much, as I just don’t know how to express how bad I feel. Kaboom… This resulted in me wanting to throw myself from the upstairs window on Saturday night, luckily I suppose, I have phobias, including a fear of heights. This meant I just was shaking uncontrollably instead, crying so much I felt like I was drowning from snot, and all around my eyes hurt like I had been punched in the face. I got up, went to work, struggling lots. Sunday night, same thing, so depressed it hurt. My partner had told me to stop snivelling and attention seeking. I wasn’t attention seeking, I was breaking from the inside. […]


The icing on the cake… 2

It’s been a rough couple of months at work, I work in one of those “shop within a shop” places. I can’t name my little company, or the big company whose building I work within. Known from here on in as little and big just so it reads easily and stays fairly anon. The “Us and Them” office politics that big imposes on little is getting worse. Last year I put in such a strong complaint about someone from big that they were dismissed…. as soon as that tyrant was gone, other staff in big seemed more than happy to adopt the Cruella De’ville personality and make everyone else miserable. Now I like little, but since big made us move location within the building we are now painfully quite. My store was above targets, doing well, now its clearly declining. Big are making me very unwelcome, and to be honest […]