phobia


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A rescue dog saved my life 5

Yes, a mistreated abused dog I saved returned the favour and saved me. I figure it’s time to tell you all about Ben the dog. I was quite young, I would say junior school age. I noticed a neighbour had a new dog, a small puppy with a curly tail, but he was bought as a gift by the Dad of the house for the very pregnant Mum of the house. The Mum already had her hands full with a small and unruly daughter. Ben was losing weight as the Mums’ priorities were elsewhere rather than feeding and looking after this needy pup she had been given. It was a burden she didn’t want or ask for, I understand that. What I can’t deal with is the abuse from the daughter. I saw her kick Ben. I saw her tie him in a plastic carrier bag and swing him over […]


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Tokophobia – have you heard of it? 13

No, I hadn’t either. But I was reading a pals blog, a lovely happy post, then I clicked on one of the related posts at the end. It was this the truth about tokophobia. Tokophobia apparently means an extreme phobia of pregnancy. So there is a new word for me to remember. I am terrified of pregnancy. Terrified of birth. Terrified of labour. I have flash back phobia related dreams. I imagine myself in labour, even though I am only dreaming I feel the pain. I feel cramping sudden pain like smaller contractions. Until I wake up I am back there. Things didn’t go well for me at the birth of my first son. Apparently it was all fine and not medically unusual. But I kept saying “something is wrong. Something is still inside me.” They didn’t believe I knew my own body, first time Mother, what would she know? […]


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Today I’m proud 12

As some of my readers know, I have big phobias. Complicated phobias. Phobias that overlap and make lots of things very hard for me, almost impossible in some situations. But today sod you medical phobia, I was stronger than you today. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for months now, and sometimes I think “What is the point?” as I leave in tears or shakey or angry. Sometimes it feels like I am going backwards not forwards fixing these phobias and flashbacks and nightmares and well, you know!


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Worried For Maggie 5

My little cutey with the attitude, Maggie rabbit, is ill. 50/50 chance ill. When I bought her for a tenner it felt like a rehome/rescue. She was living with a breeder who proudly said what a good mother Maggie was, and how I could get “decent money if you breed her.” Of course I wanted her to retire her immediately. The poor little bun was terrified of the people she was with and hated the male rabbits she was in tiny hutches next to.


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I Would Have Loved The £200 Breastfeeding Bribe 4

The Breastfeeding trial seems largely unpopular based on the other blog posts I’ve read today, and lots of comments on twitter. New Mum’s offered voucher incentive to breastfeed. If I was offered £200 for breastfeeding my sons I would have taken it willingly. It’s not £200 all in one go, it’s in £40 chunks only dished out when the mum has breastfed for certain lengths of time. For my first child I struggled. I cried in bed in the hospital as my B cups had swollen to about an E within a few days. It was horrible, but I got past this as I was helped in the hospital each evening by the staff after the dinner, visiting time then bed time routines. It would go quieter and I’d get sensible advice. I only managed up to 4 months with D, but I’m glad I tried. I had the dreaded […]


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Rosewood Options Dog Crate Review 1

Our Freya Woof has “abandonment issues” following being dumped, and ending up stray. When she has company she’s super chilled out, except for the sudden bursts of playfulness. She only plays two or three times a day, and only a few minutes each time – its fair to say my hound is not energetic. The problem comes if we leave the room, or house! If it’s dinner time and we all go to the kitchen table she will probably follow us within five minutes – she doesn’t pinch dinner or even pull the “puppy dog” begging face, she just needs to know where her people (thats us) are. I can’t even peg the washing on the line in the back garden without her trying to chew or scratch her way through the back door, and she cries… Proper crying. She doesn’t stop until her people are back closeby.


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Dentists – Another of My Phobias 3

Me and dentists are never going to be best friends. I started off badly, as a child I had dental issues – I had too many teeth! I had six front teeth, not four and that’s why my front teeth look odd to this day. The middle pair are big, the the outer pair being noticeably smaller than all the rest of my teeth. I remember being gased in hospital to have the smallest set removed, clutching my teddy bear, and trying to fight the gas by talking to my Nan and Gramps.


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When penny saving is bad – contraceptive tablets 61

Dear doctors/NHS/PCT or whoever thanks for swapping my tablets. Thanks very much for not explaining why. Thanks even more for not even mentioning it and causing me to panic thinking it must be a mistake, maybe my dyslexic handwriting was to blame on the repeat prescription request? What on earth is this medicine written on my repeat prescription? It’s certainly not an actual repeat! Male readers be warned, period talk! I take contraception as bleeding control. I bleed at random times and for prolonged *periods* of time. My periods are two weeks to about three months apart, I can’t guess when, I can’t plan things – I never know when it’s going to be a bad time. This would be unpleasant for any woman I’m sure. But for me, with an extreme phobia due to nearly dying of erm, female bleeding issues, it’s pretty hellish. I’ve been on Cerazette for 4 years. […]


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Bad Start 1

Well what can I say, today didn’t start off great. I struggled to sleep again last night, and I’ve never been much of a morning person anyway, but this morning I didn’t see or hear my alarms. I have various alarm clocks, all set at slightly different times. First thing I see or hear today, not the alarms, but Blokey in a bad mood demanding I wake up now. He’s one of those people that wake up and *boom* he’s wide awake. I am not like that. I go through stages almost, starting off barely awake, slow and confused, I gradually realise I’m awake, and try to fight sleep, then eventually after about 30 to 40 minutes of being dazed I wake properly and stumble to the loo and brush my teeth. From then I’m ok, awake even if I’m feeling exhausted from good or bad dreams the night before. […]


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Dog Phobia Fixed 2

Thanks to my nice therapist, Doctor Dave as I call him, my dog phobia has gone. I’m only worried by potentially dangerous dogs, dogs snarling and pulling on their leads. I’ve been asking strangers “can I stroke your dog” a lot more, previously this was my son Jen’s nagging, “mummy can we see that woofer?” “OK Jen, ask it’s grown up if it’s ok first”, “no, mummy, you ask”. I’ve not been crossing the road to avoid people’s pets, I’ve been able to deal with them the same as most other grown ups do. As I adore animals, the desire to rehome has kicked in now I’m not terrified by them. When I was younger my rescued mongrel runt, Ben, saved my life. There is definitely a bond between me and stray/rescued pets. Maybe they see it in my eyes I’ve suffered abuse when I was young myself, perhaps they […]


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Happy Campers 3

The last few days we have been camping in Devon, hence the silence from myself on social media. I get ordinary phone signal, but 3G has gone on holiday round these parts. We are staying on the River Dart country park. It is nice, we are pitched under the overhang of a sycamore tree, all around us is more family tents.


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#PRrequest Help a Charity and Sponsor Me 4

Hello!I’ve had an idea to get fundraising for the #MMskydive. As the cute badge on my side bars tells you, I’m jumping from a plane in July for charity. I am doing this for the family of Matilda Mae, as their story really touched me. I’m actually scared of heights, confined spaces, strangers, wide open areas and lots of other phobias, so this was a pretty big thing for me to join in with. I will be high up, in a tiny plane, strapped to an instructor I do not know and surrounded by fellow bloggers, none of whom I’ve ever met in real life so are strangers still, and the place the instructor aims for will be a massive open space! It ticks lots of phobia boxes, but I’m determined I’m going to do this and I’m convincing myself it is good to force yourself to do crazy things […]