It’s not been great recently, I won’t lie. I’m done, I’ve had enough and I want out. Except I’ve no where really to go. I can’t stand Him Indoors telling me I’m useless, that I’m lazy and milking an “illness” and should get a job… in retail no less. He keeps pointing out shop work : you know, what therapist and doctors and an independent occupational health adviser agree I’m not suited for. Retail nearly saw me leap from a window. Since not “working” I’ve got in to blogging, trying to blog for good, not just personal rants or reviews. I’ve helped charities, and supported others in the “online community”. To him they are strangers, people that don’t matter. To me they are my only friends. I need them, and I hope it’s a two-way friendship that they like me back.
For a long time I’ve been saying D is special and I suspect Aspergers or something related to it? I’m no doctor though. But there is definitely something odd, something un-average. He’s charming, super smart and obsessed by maths and Lego but at times he just flips and is like a disruptive hurricane of rage and hate that you can not even communicate with. Today for the first time in months, I think the first time this year actually, I went round someones house for tea. It should have been lunch but I was running late. It was nice for a while. Me and friend were chatting grown up things whilst drinking tea and all our kids were playing nicely on a Kinect doing bowling together, for a short time anyway it was nice! Then D suddenly flipped like he does at home, in front of another grown up. Whilst […]
In October when I got “help” from doctors for suicidal depression I also got more than I bargained for. I got social worker involvement as the referring doctor, then lady I broke down in tears to, suggested I could be a danger to D. I was honest, way too honest. I explained how I thought he was evil, how he was a factor in the depression and breakdown and how I can’t cope with him. She then sneakily asked about Jen, I describe him as my teddy bear. My little friend, the person who hugs me and loves me. A smart mess…. Until I read my support workers report I thought they’d sent in social workers to help me, and the doctor wanted to help, seems was not actually a positive referral. Bugger. Note to self, shut up in front of people who can change things. Anyway so after reading […]