What if I hadn’t met my OH? What if I’d chatted about whips and chains to a different guy or girl in Yates bar that day?
I feel I’ve failed as a mummy if I’m honest….. I love them immensely but should I be a mother? I can’t cook, shite at house work, my toddler is clingy and my eldest is distant, aggressive and bullies me if we are alone.
My “doctor” wants me to think back through my past and try to pin down when my fear of bleeding to death and phobia of needles (and anything medical that might end up with needles) started, he asked me for family photos from the age my phobias started…. its impossible, I’ve burnt or ripped them up! Was the same stage I’m my life that mothers husband was abusing us.
I wonder if I hadn’t been hurt, would I be more normal? Would I have been straight not bisexual, would I have been less paranoid and more able to fit in?
In summary, why or how do we end up who we are?