Where did I vanish?


Sorry dear readers for being missing from my blog for so long. I’ve been struggling with my health and it has been making writing here hard.

I am in the process of being diagnosed for either Fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, or indeed both. I am tired and in pain most of the time these days. My bed has become my closest friend, and an enemy. If I go out shopping in town for an hour or two it will cost me extra sleep.

I say cost me as it is not a choice. I don’t want to be asleep so much, but its my body’s way of coping. I would like to say its how it heals itself, but, as the doctor said, it’s a life long condition. You don’t cure it, you just have to “manage” it.

If I’m doing something fun on a weekend, like a classic car show or convoy drive out I will need to sleep well into the next afternoon. Sonetimes this exhaustion hangover carries on for a few days.

My life is very different. Walking hurts, so I drive a lot more nowadays, as I just felt so trapped at home. I’ve joined a classic car club and I try to keep busy with Pokémon Go. Often it is the only reason I leave the house.

Now, after years in pain, I am almost at the appointment where I might get it in writing, all official and real. That I am really struggling physically, and that it’s not entirely a mental health issue as doctors have implied for years now. That I am not just lazy and useless. That I’m not just some drain on society.

I am a bit nervous, but I am mainly impatiently excited. I want help. Being told to take basic painkillers, sleep more, or exercise more does not help. I can’t wait to get it in writing so I can see a pain specialist. So I can get help, maybe a blue disabled parking badge for the days I’m struggling more to walk.

I would love to just be normal, to be able to function as a normal person does. To be able to hold down a

job, to do housework without being in agony.

A dog on her humans bed

Luckily for me, my fluffy friend lays by me, day and night.

But here I am, back on the blogging-horse.

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