Living with an invisible illness like Fibromyalgia is a pain in the butt, I’m not going to sugar coat that. I often seem well, but feel awful. My daily life revolves around bed, sleep, naps and exhaustion.
I might spend most of the night, restless or in pain – why is pain always harder to ignore at night? Then the next day feels like a write off, waking up so late shops and places I need to go to are shut. It’s like a roundabout you can’t get off of.
As usual, in bed at lunchtime. Feeling like I have a hangover, despite being a non drinker.
The only good thing about being in bed so much is my dogs. Rainie (the ginger one) shadows me, and hardly leaves my bedroom when I feel low. She might put her paw on the window ledge occasionally and woof at other dogs on the field, but mainly she’s a big curled up lump on the pillows. She sometimes wakes me if the door knocks or she wants to go in the garden.
When I’m outside of my home, maybe just the local post office, Co op or Primark, I will likely have a big dress on, tights, heels and make up. That ladies and gentlemen, is a mask. Not a corona mask, a psychological mask so I feel less judged, to help me cope outside. At home I look like a wreck, puffy faced, unbrushed hair and comfy, scruffy older clothes.
Thing is, with things like fibromyalgia, you just don’t look ill most of the time, I look lazy and I’m painfully aware people think that I am.
I would just love a week off from this. A whole week of feeling normal, average. Not exhausted, not in pain. But in reality, as time goes on, I can gradually do less. More things hurt. More foods turn into intolerances. More obstacles. Fun :/
Basically I feel like an elderly lady, trapped in bed by an illness that is hard to define. Fibromyalgia looks like weakness, like I’ve given up. But I haven’t.
Even typing words into a blog post has become difficult. Sitting at a desk is painful, so is sitting on the sofa with a laptop, so my only option is blogging from my phone really.
I am back to blogging, but I doubt I’ll be a ranking blogger again.