What does Fibromyalgia look like? 1

Living with an invisible illness like Fibromyalgia is a pain in the butt, I’m not going to sugar coat that. I often seem well, but feel awful. My daily life revolves around bed, sleep, naps and exhaustion. I might spend most of the night, restless or in pain – why is pain always harder to ignore at night? Then the next day feels like a write off, waking up so late shops and places I need to go to are shut. It’s like a roundabout you can’t get off of. As usual, in bed at lunchtime. Feeling like I have a hangover, despite being a non drinker. The only good thing about being in bed so much is my dogs. Rainie (the ginger one) shadows me, and hardly leaves my bedroom when I feel low. She might put her paw on the window ledge occasionally and woof at other dogs […]

Where did I vanish? 1

Sorry dear readers for being missing from my blog for so long. I’ve been struggling with my health and it has been making writing here hard. I am in the process of being diagnosed for either Fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, or indeed both. I am tired and in pain most of the time these days. My bed has become my closest friend, and an enemy. If I go out shopping in town for an hour or two it will cost me extra sleep. I say cost me as it is not a choice. I don’t want to be asleep so much, but its my body’s way of coping. I would like to say its how it heals itself, but, as the doctor said, it’s a life long condition. You don’t cure it, you just have to “manage” it. If I’m doing something fun on a weekend, like a classic […]

Patients and patience 3

Last week my son Dee went skiing in Austria. He was fine when he was away, but since he’s been home he has been getting gradually more unwell. It started as a cough at the weekend. As most modern parents would, I popped on to Facebook and asked parents of the other boys he went on the trip with if their sons were ill. – it’s just Dee. On Sunday he felt a bit rubbish, but was alright. On Monday I forced him to stay off school, whilst he complained he’d be in trouble with his teachers, he reluctantly stayed home. He was mainly sleeping on the sofa. On Tuesday he was worse, high temperature (for him), snotty nose, mega vicious cough, dizziness and lethargic. He insisted on going to school, by lunchtime he’d almost collapsed and was sent home. I was out helping a local support group painting their […]

Sleep and I 4

It feels like sleep and I are at war. If I’m awake I’m exhausted, when I’m asleep I am trapped by sleep and cannot wake up. I’ve been to my doctor so many times, I’m fed up of trying to say this is not normal. View image | Today I had a routine doctors appointment about depression medication but it was a locum doctor. I felt uncomfortable and interrogated. When this, how long that, why this….? He asked a horrid few questions for a guy I’d never met. “Suicidal?” Not even are you to start the sentence, I say no not right now, “Recently?” “Erm a couple of months ago?” “Why?” I just shrug. “Do you self harm?” *nodded quietly* “well?” “Yes I do”. “How?” “I burn myself in the shower on purpose and other non visible harm”. My poor Blokey is next to me, he’s never asked such a […]

Pompholyx – an extreme eczema of the hands or feet 12

For years I’ve been suffering with my feet, and for the last three years I have had persistent recurring blisters on my feet. Blisters that were itchy like hundreds of ant bites or wasp stings. When the blisters go they left behind skin some damaged it looked burned and shiny. Doctors had said “oh it’s nothing, it will clear itself” or “have you tried using moisturiser?” and never really believed me. The problem with our doctors is it is too popular. Too many patients so it is normally about two weeks to see a doctor, by which time the blisters are gone and my soles are just clear shiny skin. Even pharmacists weren’t interested, refusing to sell me anything to help. (Warning : not so happy foot photo later in this post!) But in December the doctors finally helped. I saw a different doctor and told her it’s been happening […]

Worried For Maggie 5

My little cutey with the attitude, Maggie rabbit, is ill. 50/50 chance ill. When I bought her for a tenner it felt like a rehome/rescue. She was living with a breeder who proudly said what a good mother Maggie was, and how I could get “decent money if you breed her.” Of course I wanted her to retire her immediately. The poor little bun was terrified of the people she was with and hated the male rabbits she was in tiny hutches next to.

Another sleepless night

Jen is feeling unwell. The last few days he’s had nasty cough and been grumpy but ok. Today tiredness, high temperature and red eye plus the existing cough make me worry. Before lunchtime today, well yesterday now… Ok before lunch on Monday his teachers phoned me. “Hello it’s the school. Jen seems unwell, he’s too quiet and pale then he fell asleep. We’ve put a teddy under his head. Please come and get him?” me, “I will be there as soon as I can.” Poor lad. He looks like, well, awful!

We Have Plague… 4

Jen has had a little cold that developed into #BoyFlu and now he’s shared it about, such a caring sharing lad! Thanks son. Right now this lurgey has got the better of me. I sound a bit like Darth Vader, and I’m sitting on my sofa with two jumpers on, under a blanket and a roll of tissue for the snot. I am sneezing rather violently and it aches in my neck/shoulders. Oh it’s lovely. I’m almost hoping it’s a really bad snow day tomorrow just so I don’t have to go outside and do the school run. Is that bad of me? I often get sniffles, but this germ-fest came on fast. I just want to sleep it off but judging by how Jen coped with it, I doubt this. I don’t want to have to go out in cold in morning, but the boys have to be taken […]

Child making me feel guilty…

According to little Jen I’m a bad mother because I said he has to go to school. He has BoyFlu and he’s really playing on it. He’s not even got a temperature just the snot and sniffles. As l mentioned yesterday my bike tyre gave up. So instead of me giving him a lift on this bitter morning we had to walk. Cue twenty mins of this! Screaming like a banshee the entire way. Leaning towards traffic as we walked. He wouldn’t hold my hand, instead I was required to keep a vice like grip on his little hand to keep him safe. Not stopping screaming once not even when he was telling me I’m nasty, mean and a horrid mummy. Why wont he just believe me… School is compulsory. I get to school and his teachers are sickly nice towards him. Almost validating his reasons for a strop. “Come […]

Fear, pain, insomnia and my leg

I’ll start with a super fast bit of history. My mother and Nan both have bad varicous viens, my grandfather had bad veins then got DVT following travelling the world. I have had purple and green veins rather visible and getting more visible and now painful over the last year or so. My left leg is very normal, but my right is the problematic one. The pain and aching increased around my first ever flights, to Florida in June last year. Then since Australia in November it hurts nearly constantly, and by now it is constant pain. Not fun! I’ve been saying to the doctors its not good, and declining steadily for a year now. I feel like a little old woman, I hobble and limp, particularly at night. I think this is due to walking about in the day. I’ve had enough now, and have another doctors appointment on […]

Chicken pox 3

The little one has chicken pox again, its his second time. He’s not too happy about it, he says they hurt/itch him. Problem is I had them 9 times myself, so I think an immunity issue? Either way my lad looks like a giant dot to dot puzzle.