Where did I vanish? 1

Sorry dear readers for being missing from my blog for so long. I’ve been struggling with my health and it has been making writing here hard.

I am in the process of being diagnosed for either Fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, or indeed both. I am tired and in pain most of the time these days. My bed has become my closest friend, and an enemy. If I go out shopping in town for an hour or two it will cost me extra sleep.

I say cost me as it is not a choice. I don’t want to be asleep so much, but its my body’s way of coping. I would like to say its how it heals itself, but, as the doctor said, it’s a life long condition. You don’t cure it, you just have to “manage” it.

If I’m doing something fun on a weekend, like a classic car show or convoy drive out I will need to sleep well into the next afternoon. Sonetimes this exhaustion hangover carries on for a few days.

My life is very different. Walking hurts, so I drive a lot more nowadays, as I just felt so trapped at home. I’ve joined a classic car club and I try to keep busy with Pokémon Go. Often it is the only reason I leave the house.

Now, after years in pain, I am almost at the appointment where I might get it in writing, all official and real. That I am really struggling physically, and that it’s not entirely a mental health issue as doctors have implied for years now. That I am not just lazy and useless. That I’m not just some drain on society.

I am a bit nervous, but I am mainly impatiently excited. I want help. Being told to take basic painkillers, sleep more, or exercise more does not help. I can’t wait to get it in writing so I can see a pain specialist. So I can get help, maybe a blue disabled parking badge for the days I’m struggling more to walk.

I would love to just be normal, to be able to function as a normal person does. To be able to hold down a job, to do housework without being in agony.

A dog on her humans bed.

My fluffy companion rarely leaves my side.

But here I am, back on the blogging-horse.

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One thought on “Where did I vanish?

  • Ice Cream n Sticky Fingers

    Chronic pain and fatigue is very hard on the body. Most people don’t understand it either and that makes it harder especially if it is someone close to us. I’ve dealt with chronic pain since 2009. It started as back pain and moved to fibro in 2014, RA in 2016, and hip/spine nerve impingement this year. The pain has turned my entire life upside down and if it wasn’t for blogging, I would have gone crazy years ago.