A long long time ago, in a lifetime that feels far far away, I used to smoke. It was 14 and a half years ago when I quit. For advice on quitting cigarettes please Click Here. I had been smoking for years, from before I was even old enough to buy tobacco myself. I had tried several times to quit and never succeeded. I smoked at first to try to “be cool” and fit in, then it became a way to cope with the stress in my teen years. I was still smoking when I met Blokey, but he was also a smoker so he didn’t exactly encourage me to quit! We made each worse I think, when you see someone else light up it was harder to ignore the urge. Occasionally I smoked because I wanted to, but in honesty the majority of fags were sparked up by addiction. We […]
The following post is a brave post by Sarah, it’s an account of abuse she suffered from as a teenager. This story may upset readers, so do not read if likely to be “triggered” by this post. Everything in this post is in Sarah’s own words. My story begins at 17. I had just moved into sheltered housing after my release from hospital due to numerous mental health issues and while I was older than some, I had led a very sheltered life. My time there had good and bad points; I learnt to fend for myself but was also completely taken advantage of. I quickly made friends with many of the others living in the building. At some point during my time there, someone introduced me to a chat “wap” website and I can easily admit now I was lonely and naïve and probably easy to spot a mile off […]
It feels like sleep and I are at war. If I’m awake I’m exhausted, when I’m asleep I am trapped by sleep and cannot wake up. I’ve been to my doctor so many times, I’m fed up of trying to say this is not normal. View image | gettyimages.com Today I had a routine doctors appointment about depression medication but it was a locum doctor. I felt uncomfortable and interrogated. When this, how long that, why this….? He asked a horrid few questions for a guy I’d never met. “Suicidal?” Not even are you to start the sentence, I say no not right now, “Recently?” “Erm a couple of months ago?” “Why?” I just shrug. “Do you self harm?” *nodded quietly* “well?” “Yes I do”. “How?” “I burn myself in the shower on purpose and other non visible harm”. My poor Blokey is next to me, he’s never asked such a […]
Depression! View image | gettyimages.com It’s a word all over the media lately. People with depression are not all dangerous, most of the time most of us are harmless to everyone but ourselves. I luckily am not a pilot. I’m not going to lie, I don’t think I should be in charge of hundreds of lives – ever. But I would happily get on a plane, even if I knew that some of the flight crew had or have depression. Just having depression does not make you want to harm others. If a person gets treatment it can really help, I don’t mean just tablets and more tablets, I mean therapists and real help. Before I got “help” I would consider myself possibly a danger to others – if I was suicidal in the wrong place at the wrong time I wouldn’t have cared that others were in my way. I […]
Every now and then I get asked to share something and I think why not. This was one of those email conversations. I am pleased to say I don’t have epilepsy, nor do my family. But I know it’s a very common condition and have worked with people with the condition. I know so little about it, so I’ll hand you over to John from Young Epilepsy for a guest post… Did you know that epilepsy affects 112,000 children and young people aged 25 and under in the UK? Put very simply, at every secondary school there will be five children on the register that have been diagnosed with the condition (the figure for primary schools is an average of one child per school).
As some of my readers know, I have big phobias. Complicated phobias. Phobias that overlap and make lots of things very hard for me, almost impossible in some situations. But today sod you medical phobia, I was stronger than you today. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for months now, and sometimes I think “What is the point?” as I leave in tears or shakey or angry. Sometimes it feels like I am going backwards not forwards fixing these phobias and flashbacks and nightmares and well, you know!
It would be hard for regular blog readers to have not realised I adore my woofer. She was a rescue from Dogs Trust, she had been stray and severely underweight. She fitted in here so fast, and although we have only been in her life since October she is now utterly irreplaceable. She loves attention, and being a nuisance to the neighbours cats, and running on the muddy field, and (weirdly) the vets. Most dogs dislike posties and vets, not Freya – she hugs them – paws on to their tummies and wagging her tail super fast with her head squashing into them in a please please stroke me kind of way.
Twitter informs me its World Mental Health Day today. Something I can contribute to I feel. The other day I shared my doctors letter with you. I was hurt and upset to read a professional stating “Julie’s condition disables her” and his opinion that I’ll probably never be fit to work again. This is due to mental health. Mental health is often invisible. It often comes with a huge stigma, and a lot of judgement. A brief history of me… I’ve been abused, step father and a male partner. I have been beaten, robbed, raped, forced to do things, and utterly controlled to a point I lost the will to live. I escaped, I ran a few hundred miles and made internet friends. One of those internet friends is my Blokey, and we have two gorgeous children. Despite my mood swings, flash backs, nightmares, phobias, depression, dissociative disorder, and break […]
Well twitter was a fun place tonight. An awful lot of people are deeply offended, upset, angered or plain livid with ASDA and Tesco. If you missed it I’m sure you’ll read about it soon. It’s not the costume that offends me so much as the name. Mental patient. I’m a mental patient actually, thanks ASDA. Read Nickie’s post on this costume. It has offended me and I am not really buying ASDAs “sorry” tweets. Way to go, fuel stigma and prejudice. Do I look mental? Is there a uniform my psychotherapist forgot to issue me with? If I was cooking and had a big knife would that be a Halloween worthy look? Can you tell by looking at me I’m nuts? Mental? Medicated?
Well what can I say, today didn’t start off great. I struggled to sleep again last night, and I’ve never been much of a morning person anyway, but this morning I didn’t see or hear my alarms. I have various alarm clocks, all set at slightly different times. First thing I see or hear today, not the alarms, but Blokey in a bad mood demanding I wake up now. He’s one of those people that wake up and *boom* he’s wide awake. I am not like that. I go through stages almost, starting off barely awake, slow and confused, I gradually realise I’m awake, and try to fight sleep, then eventually after about 30 to 40 minutes of being dazed I wake properly and stumble to the loo and brush my teeth. From then I’m ok, awake even if I’m feeling exhausted from good or bad dreams the night before. […]
The following is stolen quoted from Jax’s post Liveotherwise – Have you ever been annoying? Well be careful then, you might be about to become a criminal. Sadly, I’m not exaggerating. You see, in a drive to simplify our somewhat overburdened legislation, the government is currently considering a new Bill, the Anti-social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Bill which could make being annoying a criminal act. They are looking at replacing ASBOs with IPNAs – Injunctions to Prevent Nuisance and Annoyance. Now, preventing nuisance and annoyance probably sounds like a great idea. But, think about this properly. This can be applied to a child from aged 10 or up. Do you know any child from age 10 or up that is never a nuisance or annoyance? Perhaps you’re still not worried because after all, there will be a carefully described and thought through series of checks and balances, right. Um. (1) […]
Hiya, if you found me because you are attending Brit Mums and are having a nosey around blogs of other attendees, then welcome to my blog! I’m Julie (Obviously, sorry) and I live in Gloucester. I have two children, both boys, D and Jen. I adore my sons, but I struggle with them. I do not hide that I have mental health issues – if I smile at you and make eye contact often but don’t speak that means I want to talk, to say “Hiya I’m Julie” but I’m too self-concious, too shy, afraid you won’t know me, and then I’ll be embarrassed even more. Once I get past that, I think I’m chatty, friendly and a good listener. Things I like include cake, coffee, chocolate, cups of tea, and biccies. And this is why I’m trying hard to lose weight now before I skydive for Matilda. Not […]