It was truly my honour to have shared today with you. Thank you for being so brave and writing so powerfully. Wherever you are on this journey, today, tomorrow, it’s ok and I look forward to sharing more time with you xx
I have been thinking of everyone at the ceremony today.
Yesterday was my sisters birthday and death day so I was thinking of my mum too.
What happened to you was terrible but I’m so glad that today you got to light a candle and cry tears for your lost babies (I’m crying tears for them too xxx)
Julie I had no idea, you are incredible for going through all that and still keeping going. It was lovely to meet you yesterday, albeit that we didn’t chat that much xxx
You have to keep going though Lisa. After all that I wanted to be a mum so much. And when I gave birth the midwife *knew* i had had miscarriages. She said something I’ll never forget “first live born” to her colleagues. I cried. How could she know? But knowing she knew, it was a strange relief.
I had absolutely no idea. I am sending you every ounce of love that is in my body right now. Nobody should have to endure that. Hugs my darling friend. Now that you have opened up, try to let the pain go (or lessen). I wish you healing and strength.
Liska xx
Hi Julie
It’s very brave of you to open up, my ex did the same to me but only once, as he was then able to use the promise of another to get me to jump through hoops. My family never knew and still don’t and the knock on effect of them ever finding out terrifies me. I came on my own yesterday as I felt it unfair for my husband to see me grieve for a baby that would have meant that we would never have met, another instance of me trying to deal with things on my own and not letting those around me help. I wish I had been able to stay around after the service to meet you and maybe let you know your not alone.
Even once is too much though, so a massive hug right back at you. My partner is lovely, but like you I feel would be unfair to drag him along. He’s very sciencey and logical, and all the talk of stars and angels and love and heaven would be lost on him.
He did what he always does – sends me a funny message to make me smile when he thinks I might be emotional. This time was a photo sms of a statue with a clever caption. He doesn’t do tears but well timed humour helped.
I am so sorry for your loss and your brave for sharing your miscarriage story. I personally haven’t had a miscarriage but I know that stories like this are a hope and inspiration for others who are going through what you have gone through.
I appreciate this comment, I know its a tough post to respond to. I hope if anyone reads this, that’s in a violent relationship runs away before anything like this happens. X
Sending you a massive hug, I admire you so so much! You are so inspirational, kind and caring. I feel I want to say so much more, but I am struggling with how to put it into words so just hugs!!!
I don’t admire me. I feel I should have protected these babies better, i know i should have. When I told my therapist this (obviously I told a short version here) he was stifling tears. He was upset how guilty I felt still, even though I was the victim not the attacker. I knew I needed to grieve, to talk, to write, just get it “out”. When a professional cries, you know its not good.
I know I still feel that guilt too I felt close to walking out of the service on sat at the beginning as I thought that everyone else there had lost their children through no fault of their own and I should have protected mine and that guilt was for them as well as my baby. I know that no matter what that guilt will never really leave me.
I accepted my ex’s abuse as my father was abusive, which my mum accepted as she was abused as a child, so I am the one who has broken that chain and hopefully as my children will not see this as the norm they will not end up in abusive relationships themselves and as I am now married to a social worker I know that this is a very hard chain to break and most people don’t manage to do it. PLEASE feel proud of yourself for breaking free as that really is something to admire. You can’t change the past but you have changed the future xxx
Oh Julie! I just can’t imagine how horrible this must have been. Nobody deserves to be treated like that and to have suffered like that.
I’m so glad you were able to come on Saturday. It was lovely to see you even though the occasion was an emotional one.
You are very brave for going and for sharing your story xx
Thank you. I want to hug you in that church, sitting right behind you. But I was a total state. X
Your support is appreciated though.
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Huge hugs and love to you.
It was truly my honour to have shared today with you. Thank you for being so brave and writing so powerfully. Wherever you are on this journey, today, tomorrow, it’s ok and I look forward to sharing more time with you xx
If I wasn’t with you I think I would have ran out before the end.
Oh lovely *hugs* xxx
I have been thinking of everyone at the ceremony today.
Yesterday was my sisters birthday and death day so I was thinking of my mum too.
What happened to you was terrible but I’m so glad that today you got to light a candle and cry tears for your lost babies (I’m crying tears for them too xxx)
Lots and lots of love.
Claire
xxx
Oh Clairey you know I luv you. 😉
Julie I had no idea, you are incredible for going through all that and still keeping going. It was lovely to meet you yesterday, albeit that we didn’t chat that much xxx
You have to keep going though Lisa. After all that I wanted to be a mum so much. And when I gave birth the midwife *knew* i had had miscarriages. She said something I’ll never forget “first live born” to her colleagues. I cried. How could she know? But knowing she knew, it was a strange relief.
Well done for coming, well done for living through this and well done for now sharing… you are wonderful, I wish I could give you a huge hug. x x x
You are wonderful, and so talented. Thank you.
I had absolutely no idea. I am sending you every ounce of love that is in my body right now. Nobody should have to endure that. Hugs my darling friend. Now that you have opened up, try to let the pain go (or lessen). I wish you healing and strength.
Liska xx
I appreciate this reply so much Liska. I have my boys, I love them, they are enough for me. But finally saying it is good right?
It is very very very good. It is the beginning of letting go, healing and moving on xxx
Hi Julie
It’s very brave of you to open up, my ex did the same to me but only once, as he was then able to use the promise of another to get me to jump through hoops. My family never knew and still don’t and the knock on effect of them ever finding out terrifies me. I came on my own yesterday as I felt it unfair for my husband to see me grieve for a baby that would have meant that we would never have met, another instance of me trying to deal with things on my own and not letting those around me help. I wish I had been able to stay around after the service to meet you and maybe let you know your not alone.
Even once is too much though, so a massive hug right back at you. My partner is lovely, but like you I feel would be unfair to drag him along. He’s very sciencey and logical, and all the talk of stars and angels and love and heaven would be lost on him.
He did what he always does – sends me a funny message to make me smile when he thinks I might be emotional. This time was a photo sms of a statue with a clever caption. He doesn’t do tears but well timed humour helped.
I am so sorry for your loss and your brave for sharing your miscarriage story. I personally haven’t had a miscarriage but I know that stories like this are a hope and inspiration for others who are going through what you have gone through.
I appreciate this comment, I know its a tough post to respond to. I hope if anyone reads this, that’s in a violent relationship runs away before anything like this happens. X
Sending you a massive hug, I admire you so so much! You are so inspirational, kind and caring. I feel I want to say so much more, but I am struggling with how to put it into words so just hugs!!!
I don’t admire me. I feel I should have protected these babies better, i know i should have. When I told my therapist this (obviously I told a short version here) he was stifling tears. He was upset how guilty I felt still, even though I was the victim not the attacker. I knew I needed to grieve, to talk, to write, just get it “out”. When a professional cries, you know its not good.
I know I still feel that guilt too I felt close to walking out of the service on sat at the beginning as I thought that everyone else there had lost their children through no fault of their own and I should have protected mine and that guilt was for them as well as my baby. I know that no matter what that guilt will never really leave me.
I accepted my ex’s abuse as my father was abusive, which my mum accepted as she was abused as a child, so I am the one who has broken that chain and hopefully as my children will not see this as the norm they will not end up in abusive relationships themselves and as I am now married to a social worker I know that this is a very hard chain to break and most people don’t manage to do it. PLEASE feel proud of yourself for breaking free as that really is something to admire. You can’t change the past but you have changed the future xxx
Oh Julie! I just can’t imagine how horrible this must have been. Nobody deserves to be treated like that and to have suffered like that.
I’m so glad you were able to come on Saturday. It was lovely to see you even though the occasion was an emotional one.
You are very brave for going and for sharing your story xx
Thank you. I want to hug you in that church, sitting right behind you. But I was a total state. X
Your support is appreciated though.
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