So my hubby has gone a few hours ago…

Already i feel as though i might go crazy. He’s gone to Canada for work again. He left Gloucs at 11am and took off from Heathrow at half past 5. I feel so alone already…. Some people shouldn’t be parents and i suspect I am one of those.

I have honestly already been crying, kids are really different when he’s not here. We don’t live in a show home, far from it, but call me a snob, i don’t find it as funny as my boys do to throw food across the room, stamp, rant and even tip a cup with hot chocolate in it onto a beige carpet whilst stareing at me…. Then threw it at the door! This was the 4year old. The 9year old miniature teen has been grunting, ranting, complaining and letting me know what a rubbish parent i am.

I need help! I wrote on Facebook begging for help/babysitter but no response. I am not mucking about.. I really am not coping. I dont know what i can do to make them behave a bit better. I get NO response at all unless i scream at them. I feel trapped, like a prisoner. If only I wasn’t allergic/intolerant to alcohol. I definitely am considering it though.

It doesn’t help i know mother in law is round tomorrow to babysit just whilst i work… No cover for breakdowns – I’ve begged in the past, so i know its futile. She will just judge and moan the place is a mess.. Feck the house, i’m more of a mess. I CAN NOT COPE.

As i sit in kitchen to type this on my phone they’ve kicked a ball into the shelves, thrown more toys, screaming, fighting. Honestly its chaos and i am weak and out numbered. Im going to video it… I can’t stop them, all I’ve got left is slapping them…. And this isn’t the 80’s so you can’t do that kinda thing anymore. Doesn’t matter what toys i take, who i ground for how long, how loud i shout back, or whether i ignore them.

I truelly am a crap mother. I HATE being at home. So much. Please please stop this kids before i end up sectioned and you end up in care homes. The neighbours already stopped talking to us from all the shouting when hubby isn’t here.

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