Last night I read something and I just have to reply! GhostWriterMummy – Such Great Heights
Susanne, aka GhostWriterMummy was part of Team Matilda Mae and skydived with me at the weekend. When she landed she spoke of a rainbow, a sign, something perfect in the sky. I hadn’t seen a rainbow, I felt Suz was really lucky, I wished I had seen a rainbow! But to me a rainbow is an arch, it wasn’t until I read her post about it that I realised we had seen the same.
After my panic attack in “free fall” we were floating down in the parachute. Still just above the clouds, the clouds seemed like the floor at this point, a carpet of pure white cotton candy.
I saw a circle of light, a bright disk, a perfect circle, almost glowing, luminous at the edges.
“What’s that? Is that the camera man?!?” I call to my
He says “Its just our reflection” I believed him, accepted my expert was right. It had me amazed though… I couldn’t look at the view, the sky, the beauty, the horizon. I was fixed on this circle.
It felt magic, special, pure. It’s hard to explain and words fail me a bit trying! You had to see it. To Feel it. I believed the sciencey “it’s our reflection” but later it hit me. Our parachute was a rectangle not a circle! Now I’m feeling it was more spiritual than cold hard science….
I am not religious, but I believe in ghosts, spirits, karma, fate. Something told me I had to join the skydive for Tilda, and despite my huge phobias I did it. I went up there… Closer to the angels. I looked at the ground through those cotton candy clouds, I did it. We did it. We were meant to do this for Jennie.
I think an angel was with us coming down. A bit like Suz, I was disappointed looking out the windows of the plane. I don’t know what I expected really, I knew I wouldn’t find Tilda in the sky, that nothing I did or do can ever make her be alive again. But hope is a funny (amazing) thing! I kept looking for a smiley girl sticking her tongue out… I didn’t find this. I so hoped to somehow make things ok for Jennie and her family. Of course the nine of us could not do this, but maybe all the love in the air helped a little?
No one should have to out live their child. But a baby? It’s just heart breaking to think of.
But I think Tilda was watching, from the clouds. A spirit too strong to leave. From the clouds to watch us jump, and to see her Mummy being so strong on the ground. Half way up, half way down.
That pure, perfect, glowing disk of light….. Do you know what it was like?
It looked like a child’s Bubble sat on a cloud floor. You know when bubbles land on something smooth and they don’t pop? They just stay a few seconds? Half a bubble sat on the surface of those clouds. Perfect! It moved about slightly but still a perfect circle.
“Bubbles are for Tilda” Jennie recently wrote. When I read Suz post last night I questioned science, what I believe and cried. Happy, relieved, hopeful tears.
I think maybe Matilda Mae was watching!
Team Matilda Mae and I are still fundraising. And now I believe in “signs”.
Oh and clouds do not feel wet! That was a surprise, as we went through that cloud I thought we’d be soaking wet. Clouds are water after all, but they feel dry. You learn new things when you do new things.
For Jennie, Tilda, and the Lullaby Trust.